Health and Safety, Health and Safety!!
In the interests of public health our sponsors this week will be bringing you posts aimed to raise awareness for health and safety issues.
Our first installment will focus on five surefire ways to predict on your way to work whether or not you've exceeded the sensible amount of alcohol consumption the previous evening. They are as follows:
1) You have to stop to catch your breath no less than three times on your way up the steps at the tube station.
2) You fall asleep standing up whilst waiting for the tube to arrive and are too scared to stand near the edge of the platform in case a great gust of wind comes along and knocks you onto the tracks.
3) You start to notice that people are definitely keeping a subtle distance from you on the crowded tube. You are aware that this is likely because a) you look slightly disheveled b) there is a distinctive alcohol vapour seeping from your pores still and c) you're pretty sure that you've started to drool despite the fact that you're no longer asleep.
4) You are quietly confident that you can make it to work without vomiting. However you do have one or two "rabbit caught in headlight" moments of panic when you just don't think you're going to make it. You start to reason in your head which of the passengers around you most deserves to be vomited on should you not be able to hold on any longer.
5) You catch your reflection in the mirror and realise that you still have red wine staining on your lips that you completely failed to notice when "getting ready"* for work that morning.
Please be advised that should you find that you meet all five of these criteria it is probably in your best interests (as well as your co-workers) to just turn around and head straight back home again. Feel free to inform your employer that it is in fact 'health and safety... health and safety'
*Please note, when we say "getting ready" we are actually alluding to the 45 minutes you spent mooching around the house looking for anything to drink that had sugar content in it and debating the pros and cons of eating toast before you absolutely HAD to leave the house so that you weren't irrevocably late.
Our first installment will focus on five surefire ways to predict on your way to work whether or not you've exceeded the sensible amount of alcohol consumption the previous evening. They are as follows:
1) You have to stop to catch your breath no less than three times on your way up the steps at the tube station.
2) You fall asleep standing up whilst waiting for the tube to arrive and are too scared to stand near the edge of the platform in case a great gust of wind comes along and knocks you onto the tracks.
3) You start to notice that people are definitely keeping a subtle distance from you on the crowded tube. You are aware that this is likely because a) you look slightly disheveled b) there is a distinctive alcohol vapour seeping from your pores still and c) you're pretty sure that you've started to drool despite the fact that you're no longer asleep.
4) You are quietly confident that you can make it to work without vomiting. However you do have one or two "rabbit caught in headlight" moments of panic when you just don't think you're going to make it. You start to reason in your head which of the passengers around you most deserves to be vomited on should you not be able to hold on any longer.
5) You catch your reflection in the mirror and realise that you still have red wine staining on your lips that you completely failed to notice when "getting ready"* for work that morning.
Please be advised that should you find that you meet all five of these criteria it is probably in your best interests (as well as your co-workers) to just turn around and head straight back home again. Feel free to inform your employer that it is in fact 'health and safety... health and safety'
*Please note, when we say "getting ready" we are actually alluding to the 45 minutes you spent mooching around the house looking for anything to drink that had sugar content in it and debating the pros and cons of eating toast before you absolutely HAD to leave the house so that you weren't irrevocably late.
posted by Jenn @ 2:22 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
teehee marvellous advice i say
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