COLDPLAY 28/06/2005

So hot right now... I went to see them live at Crystal Palace last night and they played an absolute blinder!

Unfortunately the doors opened at like 4pm and they didn't actually get on the stage till just after 9pm, which was a bit of a drag. Well it wouldn't have been so bad but we had thunder lightening and torrential rain for most of the evening, being that its practically summer here... not so hot right now.

But they were bleedin' brilliant I tell ya, it was worth the wait and the pnuemonia that is sure to follow!!

Stick it in your Bot Bot????

Well last Saturday night we promised Scotty a good night out in London and in true Aussie fashion, completely failed to deliver it by taking him to the Redback... perhaps even less good comes out of a night at this place than at the Walkie.
So we went we drank we danced and a good night was had until they kicked us out at 2am and we retired to Kellie's to continue on drinking. Again, us not being ones to waiver from tradition, things got reasonably messy, about 5am we all decide to call it a night and rather than trek it home I crashed in Kel's room. After this things became quite humorous and very 'mischieeeeevious'
Kel's flatmate Dave (you may remember him a la circus ringmaster moustache) ended up crashing on Kel's bed as we were concerned about his shoulder which he bodged up during a freak handstand incident....

I'm woken at 6am to the sound of Kellie pleading with Dave to get out of her bed so she can go to sleep... unfortunately Dave is practically comatose and not moving an inch. Kel and I both have a go at shifting him which results in Kel getting a punch to the mouth from our friend in the land of nod. So admitting defeat Kel retreats to the sofa.....

For about five seconds, as the next time I look up she is finding ways to decorate him in an attempt to wake him. Unfortunately nothing was waking Dave so Kellie embarked on what can only be described as a torture mission, which was quite simply hilarious. Within 10 minutes Dave had:
- One half of his face totally made up (the other half being buried in the pillow) and you guessed it a ringmaster moustache in permanent marker.
- A set of devil ears on his head and a lightbulb in each hand (Bollywood dance stylee)
- A half eaten chupachup stuck in his ear.
- A condom on each foot, each one stuffed with a hand full of hot pickled chillis.
- The remainder of the jar of hot pickled chillis lovingly rammed inside his jockeys.
- A lone hot pickled chilli stuffed up his nostril.
- Two bananas stuffed down the front of his jeans.
At this point Kel ran out of props and decided to seal the deal by wrapping fairy lights around him and STILL he didn't move!

Until about five minutes later when he started to writhe about moaning and groaning (the oil on those chillis can get mighty hot for those of you who've never attempted to wear them on your person)

Yes it may sound immature and slightly cruel... well thats because it mostly was... but it was funny! Especially when he eventually got up and trudged off to bed leaving a trail of chillis in his wake and still with a chupachup stuck to his back. Even more so when he got up the next day complaining that his balls and botbot were on fire!

Kellie however now sleeps with her door locked at all times.

No-one likes it when...

the alcohol runs out and you end up drinking cider. It feels like being 15 again and scrounging together a couple of pound for possibly the most horrific tasting type of booze out there (apologies to any devout cider drinkers out there). Unfortunately, yet again I found myself somewhat worse for wear at some hour of Sunday morning, slurring that " alright I will drink the sodding cider".

So finished the second of my cousins hen nights. I spent this weekend up in Scotland with the family for bridesmaids duties. After having several sleepless nights panicking that my dress was not going to fit me, I went up for the final fittings. You can imagine my relief when I managed to get myself into the dress and that it WOULD fit me and whats more, it would need taking in!!
HOORAH!
However not so happy to find out that the zip had broken and we were buggered.
So ends my tale of happiness regarding my bridesmaid dress. On the upside I do really like the dress and the colour which I'm reliably informed is quite a rare occurrence.

The hens night was great fun and held plenty of drama, which I feel is only natural, and I arrived back in London cursing the monday morning that I knew was coming and cursing my bad judgment with the whole cider palava.

On an up note Scotty-too-hotty arrives in London on Wednesday, which means more drunken nights of debauchery and henna tattooing all over poor Kelifur's room
HOORAH!!

Pleb

Its funny because I thought I'd be clever and put a picture in my profile.


Can't for the life of me work out how to turn the stupid thing round.


Please email all suggestions to totalpleb@notquitesmartenough.com

Nothing good EVER comes of going to the Walkabout

It is a truth universally acknowledged, and I challenge anyone to contradict me on that one!!

Plus I fell in quite a noticeable way going into the takeaway shop on the way home.. I now have bruised kneebones.

We also suspect that Dave may have a permanently drawn on moustache (in the fashion of a circus ringmaster)

I rest my case.

How to break a man's ribs in a few simple steps

Step 1 - Make sure that you have gained a few extra pounds in weight. We find this is best achieved through excess alcohol, takeaways and general laziness.
Step 2 - Consume excess amounts of previously mentioned alcohol.
Step 3 - Access costumes from your token cockney friend (For those of you who do not have access to any cockneys, then we suggest substituting with a bogun/beach bum equivalent)
Step 4 - Assign costumes, ensuring that you are the lucky person who gets to wear the silver sequinned man's G - String over your jeans.
Step 5 - Continue to consume excess quantities of alcohol meanwhile depleting shame levels.
Step 6 - Choose target/unsuspecting male dressed as a cheerleader.
Step 7 - Once he has fallen, jump on his back and pretend to ride around on him.
WARNING: This may result in flashbacks, chronic embarrassment and extreme guilt over said broken rib. We would advise that all photographic evidence be burnt.

DISCLAIMER: For legal purposes it is necessary to point out that no ribs were broken during our research and any injuries that may or may not have been sustained only resulted in bruising and are not admissible in a Court of Law.

Greetings

So here it goes, my first ever own blog. Before I start my ramblings, I need to make mention of my friends Suzie and Mop (www.mopandsuz.blogspot.com). Were it not for them I would never have caught on to this whole blog thing, but here I am, posting a whole bunch of crap purely because of them!
Struck me as a good idea actually because I am currently living away from home in London and am ASTOUNDINGLY bad at keeping in touch be it email or phone calls. In fact the only thing I am good at is drunk texts and lets not even go there on how bad that can turn out. SO this to me seems a good way to:
a) Keep myself occupied at work
b) Vent all my stupid thoughts
c) Make sure all my lovelies back home have at least some clue of where I am what I'm up to, If I'm alive and so on.
Hehe on that note I'm gonna leave it at that a very short very boring first blog, as it should be I feel.
However I do swear solemnly that I will continue to regularly (as possible) write on this thing and not forget that I ever created it.
Additionally I promise never ever to post when drunk. I know how bad the texting alone is, and I'm restricted there to how much I can write.